this isn't sadness. This isn't lonliness either. This is some quantum of ethereal space, amidst which i am floating. No need for gravity, no NEED.

i have decided to spend new year's in my own company. Alone? Maybe, but not lonely.

What a tumultuous year has gone by, and i see that more rises and falls are to happen. i would like to start the year in calmness. No big bang for me. Simple quite...no dressing up, or dancing, or drinking. Simply be rested. The first day of the year should reflect the rest of it, and i would like mine to start with a quest for nirvana.
Lets see how my search continues, but for now, bonn anniversarie!

when life's a gamble

I'm not one for the tables. I can barely hold a set of cards right, let alone play a game decently. My failure at winning a simple game of DONKEY, led me to completely dislike all games of cards, and in the process, stood me against gambling quite strongly. Gambling i believe is firstly for people with money to throw around. I don't have that sort of money. I barely make ends meet and i don't plan on loosing my rent money on a game of Black Jack. Al this withstanding, recently a friend got me to come aboard one of those floating casinos, for a bit of lady luck langdi. I made a fuss, but at last accented. I have often enough been to casinos for my stories, and this one was no different. OK, so maybe I want being shown around like at all the other places, since i Left he TOI tag at home, but it was nice none the less. The upstairs open areas is one kept for dancing, with a live band and a free bar. It is also where gamblers come for a quick smoke before hitting the tables again. I sat sipping my second Pepsi, watching middle aged, and those on the wrong side of middle age, dancing to a number of bollywood numbers, while laughing and drinking. These were not crass people, they were well dress, mild speaking tourists, all down for a bit of masti.

Off to the gambling area, i promised to kept o the slot machines, but found them dreadfully boring and instead decided to watch my friends bet away their earning.

Things didn't go just as easy as that. With all that free booze the friends got to tipsy to even stand properly, and i found it left to me to continue the betting. With no idea of how to play any of the games, i started off with five card poker and then to black jack. Oddly enough, i was winning. Not willing to get like the rest, i stuck to coffee and Pepsi's and found it helped my game considerably. I was winning, and being wise while at it. By the end of the night, i had made Friends with most of the staff, an bunch of the customers, and even went home, (well since it wasn't my money, id have to say my friend went home, with twice ass much as what they came with)

A good experience none the less, i would still guarantee myself, that a personal visit to a gambling joint is way out of my interest. I plan to stick to wasting my money on food and movies.

Moral: go ahead gamble, just use someone else's money

chatter pox

ever said something you shouldn't? Spoke too soon? Spoke too stupid too soon? Happens to most of us, one time or the other. Problem is, it happens to me more than just often. It happens on a regular basis. For those who know me they have learned to ignore my slip ups or simply laugh at the goofy ones. And i remain safe. But then once in a while comes along a newbie. Someone who doesn't know or recognise my eccentricities as simple repercussions of having fallen on my head at a very young age. So i say "Hi, your pants look so gay." Only to be given a rotten look and a huff away.

But isn't always that simple. m not just saying things that would annoy people, i say things that hurt people, anger people or really break people's heart's. And i never realise, continuing to blab on. This time however it all caught up to me, and my stupid antic got me into a very hot soup. Still at the rim of the bowl right now, but by the looks of things, it might get better. If not better, it definitely wont get worse than what it already is. or could it?? Zwikes.

i have had enough of my racing tongue and it's maladies. I wish to sear it off and freeze it in a bottle of cleaning acid.

moral: Shut up, just please shut up

in times of loss, all we can think about is the pain. That searing feeling that burns away a bit of flesh as it peirces your heart. Drama with a capital D indeed, but we know we've all gone through some bout of ti or the other.
Well we all pick ourselves up, tie our belts a bit tighter, and walk on. A bit safer this time.
Im hurt, sore hearted, but like all other times, i'll repair. The worst part is that the ones i would really have loved to have longer, are the ones that leave faster.
im standing at the warf, and their boat has sailed, leaving me with the annoying sea gulls.

Happiness has become me. TYhis is not talk about what brilliant thing especially happeend in my life, but more of a culmination of a number of good things, events and people. Goa stay had it's upas and deep deep downs. Its slumps and it's bumps.

I was living an off road rally, and just when i thoguht my major would break down, it made ti through one more mucky dicth.

And i am safe for now. Safe and happy.

I have a job that enatils me comming to work at twelve in teh afternoon, where i laugh and do what i love.

I have friends though not too close ones, they are there to share a smile when im out of stock.

I have relationships, new and interesrting

I have family that is waiting to see me and celebrate my brithday with me.

I have a fast bike, that is a bit broken, but still a mean machene

I have happiness.

I have God.